Time- In all its finite glory

Hi everyone, welcome to the first post on this little blog of mine.

When I created this website, I already knew what the first post would be, because it is a concept I have thought about, spiraled over, and ruminated on, at least since middle school. Nine years later, I still feel the weight of time pressing on my shoulders, pushing me to the ground, whispering menacingly in my ear to stop wasting it. I thought I would live in this anxiety forever; That the ever-fleeting tick of the clock would keep me its prisoner. Time is such an overarching theme in my life, that I wrote my personal statement for my Master’s application about it.

After one month of living with my new roommate, she shoved a book into my possession, and I have to say— it’s changed my whole perception of life. Without being too dramatic, I can now soothe the shackle marks on my wrists and be free of the paralyzing fear that mortality held over me.

Four Thousand Weeks; Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman

Usually, I’m not a fan of self-help books. I know why they work. Sometimes it’s helpful for a stranger to tell you how to get your shit together. That’s why we go to therapy. But deep down, , for the most part, we know how to help ourselves. And I’d rather not spend $30 to further feel bad about myself. 

But this book has single-handedly shifted my position. I have never seen what I have felt for years, so carefully put into words, in a “no bullshit,” curt manner, that still managed to ease my existentialism. Multiple times during reading this, I screenshotted pages meant to send to my parents, because the solution is so simple. Instead of fighting against time through productivity hacks that make you want to beat your head into your desk, work with time for what it is. 

Burkeman puts it into better words than I would ever be able to, especially because my thoughts like to run each other over in a race that no one will ever win. 

Here are my main takeaways:

1. Karen Rinaldi is quoted saying, “The freedom to suck without caring is revelatory,” when speaking about her passion for surfing, even though she reportedly sucks. 

“Results aren’t everything.” Burkeman further explains. “Indeed, they’d better not be, because results always come later— and later is always too late.” (4000 Weeks; Time Management for Mortals, p. 160).

Not everything in life needs to be for monetary gain. Hobbies are hobbies because the pressure of being perfect at them can disintegrate. They don’t need to be restructured into a side hustle. That defeats the purpose. We are allowed to enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them. That will never be a waste of time. 

Along the same vein, it's difficult to turn off our brains and genuinely relax, without thinking about what we should be doing to further our careers, make more money, etc. But it defeats the purpose of the time we set aside to relax. Instead, we’re watching our favorite show or reading our favorite book, and have to rewind, because our brain is swimming with anxious thoughts. I believe we should make it a point to relax a little more intentionally, in whatever form that may be. 

2. “- and to accept that nothing I do will go perfectly anyway, with the result that my actual life will inevitably prove disappointing by comparison with the fantasy… there’s no reason to procrastinate, or to resist making commitments, in the anxious hope that you might somehow be able to avoid those losses. Loss is a given. That ship has sailed— and what a relief.” (Burkeman, 4000 Weeks; Time Management for Mortals, p. 83-84).

As someone who hates failing, procrastination has always been my best companion. We see the future with infinite possibilities. A repeating fantasy of mine is a future novel being published and landing on the NYT bestseller list. To prevent this dream from turning out any differently than what I have created in my head, I tend to plan the future more than I take action. That way, the fantasy is never disturbed. This is stupid and a waste of time. 

This doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t hold myself to high expectations and chase after my desires. It just means to let go of the fear of failure that is stopping me from taking any steps at all. Live outside of the imaginary so you can walk further into your reality. 

3. “A surprisingly effective antidote to anxiety can be to simply realize that this demand for reassurance from the future is one that will definitely never be satisfied— no matter how much you plan or fret, or how much extra time you leave to get to the airport. You can’t know that things will turn out all right. The struggle for certainty is an intrinsically hopeless one -- which means you have permission to stop engaging in it.” (Burkeman, 4000 Weeks; Time Management for Mortals, p. 119).

I began this book with a heavy eye roll, however I’ve found immense comfort in the cynicism. We (or I, at least) continuously worry about what is out of our control, not realizing how much time we’re taking to stress about what hasn’t even happened, or might never happen. I’m still working on this one. I find this point to be more poignant than ever and want to be much more focused on how I use my time, in whatever facet I choose.

To end my first post, I just want to remind everyone that this is your one life. YOLO is probably the best term to come out of millennial slang if you take it to heart. We have approximately 4,000 weeks on this planet, give or take. And to me, using my time wisely means using it in a manner that fulfills, yes, my wallet, but also, my heart and soul. Take that and apply it how you see fit. And read this book. Seriously. It’s a game-changer. Five stars.